I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
