Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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