we're blogging at a bar
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize