It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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