I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
