well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
