I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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