youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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