While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
