My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
