it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
