if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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