sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
