Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
