i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
