My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
