Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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