She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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