Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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