I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize