It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
