I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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