this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
