are you still at the devil's house?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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