I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
