I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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