he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
