I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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