we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
birth control should be required to get into college
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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