That's when you crack a 10am beer
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
