dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
