Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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