he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
