Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize