reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
