grandma shit on top of the toilet
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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