I hate your face
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
