Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
