I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
