He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize