Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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