Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
