I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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