An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
