there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
