Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
