I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
