i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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