His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
