i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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