nut hugger
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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