Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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