We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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