trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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