I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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