finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my poor anus
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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