I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
