I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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