don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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