why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize