I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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