You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
