honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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