She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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