I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Where is the hickey?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
