Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
