the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
