Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
