i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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